I love my job…don’t get me wrong. I get to be home all day every day with my daughter and raise her the way I see fit. In order to afford to do this I have taken on six other children whom I also care for during the day. Now if changing all those poopy diapers, wiping all those snotty noses and feeding those hungry faces isn’t enough, here are the other things I do on a daily basis.
Teach your children: ABC’s and 1,2,3’s, you betcha, but also I act as a ring leader and sometimes referee for acceptable behavior towards others. If I take the time to send a note home on your child’s disrespectful or unacceptable behavior, believe me it was warranted. As much as you would like to believe I’m nitpicking and sending home notes on every little thing because I’m a hound, believe me, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I realize kids will be kids so if you get a note from me, we had a rough day.
I clean up messes…lots of them…and my house is not always spotless. But before you think I’m watching Maury all day here are a few ideas to help me out. Bring your child dressed in the morning with a clean diaper please. I am the child’s daytime caretaker, not your morning assistant. I make $3 an hour per child. The least you could do is have them brush their teeth, change their clothes and have them in a clean (non-soaking) diaper in the morning. You mean to tell me they soaked their diaper in the five minute drive here and you just happened to leave them in their jammies? Oh yes, I’d love to dress and bathe your child and the six others I have here before breakfast!
Also, Mandarin Oranges soaked in sugar are not a food group. I realize this is an easy substitute for fruit with dinner after a long hard days work but trust me your child’s digestive tract is not a big fan. To prove it to you I may just start feeding your toddler candied mandarin oranges for breakfast, snack, lunch and afternoon snack on a random Friday just to show you the aftermath. Too bad I care too much about your child to actually do something like that but when you wonder why your kid has a tummy ache and diaper rash all the time, maybe we should look at diet. When I spend half my day dealing with excessive poopy diapers we may have a problem.
Nurse duty. I am not a nurse but should have been; I mean I police bowel movements, soothe achy bellies and limbs and console “sick” children. But in reality I should never have be a nurse as a childcare provider. I do my best to confine and destroy the pesky germs those little ones bring in but do me a favor and keep them home. I realize it may leave you with less than ideal vacation time at the end of the year but you wouldn’t want me to allow other sick children to infect your child so please don’t put me in that position.
Therapist duty. Not for the kids but the parents. I’m a not a therapist…thank goodness and I can’t pretend to be one. I’m very sorry your family is struggling, I really am, however my hours do not change. I can not keep your kid until 8pm please don’t ask me to. You and your spouse, ex-spouse, friend, mother or whomever needs to pick them up on or before 5:30. My day starts at 6 am and 5:30 is plenty late seeing as you have had time to run errands, take and hour lunch and grab supper on the way home. I love your kids but this is my job not my life.
Also, While it may appear that I am single…I’m not. No I won’t share the details with you as I realize doing so could hamper my business somewhat. I’m sure my long term families are very much aware and I doubt I would lose much business over my partner being female but lets just discuss my work performance and/or your child shall we. This is also the reason I will find any excuse not to socialize with you on the weekends. It’s not because I’m trying to be a jerk, it’s just that I have my life and you have yours.
Plus, after five days of this:
I really just want to do this, by myself, or with my girlfriend:
Your underpaid but happy, co-dependent as hell, pushover childcare provider!